man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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