my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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