im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
