just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
