There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
