I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
