can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
