Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
