Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
