Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
