i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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