I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
