I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize