Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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