dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
