haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
