Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
