I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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