Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
