We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
