she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
