Don't you send me to vm
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize