I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
