Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
