Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
