I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
