So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When are your genitals available?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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