There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
