FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
