I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
