i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
