It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
