Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
