would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
