She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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