theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
