Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
