i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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