Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
bring money and cleavage
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
