Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
