i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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