That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
