I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i came on her dog
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
