Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
