Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
