and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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