when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
