Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
