I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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