like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
