I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
