In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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