2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
