I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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