When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
