Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
