how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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