I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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