I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
