i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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