im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
