dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
