Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
