I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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