YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
