I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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