ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize