Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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