when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
