I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
