Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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