I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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