Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
