I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
