There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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