They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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