I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
