Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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