I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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