i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
