He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
