I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
