it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
