i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
