You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
