My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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