he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
