Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
