Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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