I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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