True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize