dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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