who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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