there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
