Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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