You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize