she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
