i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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