well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
